I'd Rather Give Birth **updated**

I am dying. I have a stye or pink eye or allergies or something that is making my eye hurt so bad that I would rather give birth than endure this pain. I've done that twice without an epidural so I have some perspective. My eye hurts so bad I think I'm dying. I went to one of those "quickie" retail clinics to see what the deal is and get some relief. This is a big deal. I avoid clinics, hospitals, etc. like the plague - I know too much and don't want to become sicker than I already am. But I'm dying so I go and MPB has to drive me. She drives my car, Gil, and takes a right when she should have taken a left. This puts us right in the path of Carol from Curves (not her real name but she had a Curves t-shirt on and I thought she looked like a Carol). Carol almost t-bones us as we're trying to find the place that will cure me. Thanks to MPB's vampire like reflexes and Gil's agility, we avoid actually dying. After determining Gil, Carol and ourselves are okay, we head in the right direction of the cure-all clinic. I sign in - I'm patient #1 - I wait patiently - I'm dying. No one comes out. I'm there for 25 minutes and no one comes out. Are they in there making hot fudge sundaes while I am in the hall dying? OMG! I purchased homeopathic pink eye drops, a candybar and an antioxidant drink and went back to work. I'm dying and MPB thinks I should win an Oscar.

**Give the lady with the corneal abrasion an award. I still feel like I'm dying but thankfully I now know what I have is real and not "catchy". I went to an Urgent Care clinic this time. Again, big deal. BIG. HUGE. I would sooner use garlic and a cross then succumb to modern medicine sometimes (not all the time, I'm just not an overly frequent user of the health care system and figure good home care and some rest often does the trick). The Dr put in some anesthetic drops to take the pain away and I told her that I loved her. I could be converted. Unfortunately she couldn't send the special juice home with me. I did get an antibiotic and an order to come back the next day to see an opthamologist. The pain eventually came back an hour or so later so I'm still dying. Maybe the opthamologist will give me more of that pain relief ju-ju. And I will love them forever.

MPB - the Dr did not find a pony in my eye but she rather enjoyed the story. Explanation: Before the quickie clinic visit earlier today, MPB found eyewash for me in the medicine chest at work. She and I were in the bathroom and I kept looking at my eye after each squirt to which MPB asked "are you thinking a pony is going to come out of there?" Yes, yes I am. Because it hurts as if there's a bleeping pony in my eye, okay?! I'm dying so don't judge me.