Evolving

I really struggled with what to name this post. I am nothing without something mundane to obsess over. "Change" seemed too simple. "Metamorphosis" conjured the image of a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly. "Transformation" conjured the image of a Cybertron (I blame 80s cartoons). "Transfiguration" made me think of the Catholic church near my old house. The more I thought about what I'm trying to convey, the word "evolution" popped up - which according to Bing means

"the gradual development of something, especially from a simple to a more complex form:

synonyms: development · advancement · growth · rise · progress · expansion".

Y'all know I love a good list and I found the following one on the characteristics of highly evolved people:

1. Sense of purpose - right now it's learning new things (skiing, German) and being the best me I can be
2. Actions anchored by values - adventure, curiosity, fun, health, honesty, inventiveness, learning, open-mindedness, organization, resilience, spirituality (and boundaries!)
3. Attitude of gratitude - I'm most grateful for my family, friends, health and lack of wrinkles
4. Work is not just a job - I work at the best company with people I genuinely like
5. Self motivation and resilience - see #2
6. You control your emotions not the other way round - I've worked really hard at not letting things get the best of me (hello, divorce drama); I see the high road, but don't always turn on it when I should ;)
7. Self awareness and reflection - this came with age/experience for me and my Masters program was a big part of it; I'm learning to live in the questions and not feeling compelled to fill awkward silences
8. Make lemonade (or lemoncello!) out of lemons - I'd get a gold medal here :)
9. Go deep - gossip and being superficial is for sissies
10. Everyone is a teacher and everything is a lesson - amen

The word "change" normally refers to new beginnings and I'm down with that, but I'm also finding it happens when something old falls apart. The disruption and chaos invites us to listen at a deeper level. It invites and sometimes forces the soul to go to a new place because the old place is not working anymore. I love how the Center for Action and Contemplation explains how spirituality plays a role -

• Transformation usually includes a disconcerting reorientation. Change can either help people to find a new meaning, or it can cause people to close down and turn bitter. The difference is determined by the quallity of our inner life, or what we call "spirituality". Change of itself just happens; spiritual transformation is an active process of letting go, living in the confusing dark space for awhile, and allowing yourself to be spit up on a new and unexpected shore. In the moments of insecurity and crisis, "shoulds" and "oughts" don't really help; they just increase the shame, guilt, pressure, and likelihood of backsliding. It's the deep "yeses" that carry you through. Focusing on something you absolutely believe in, that you're committed to, will help  you wait it out.

Monthly Book Review: January 2018

I started going to a Pilates studio at least twice a week as well as weekly ski lessons so it's been a busy start to the year. I intended to read more, however watching all three series of The Fall and the new season of Grace & Frankie on Netflix took priority.

The Nest by Cynthia D’Aprix Sweeney - three siblings' reliance on a sizable inheritance ("the nest") shapes their decisions and relationships. This gets good reviews but I'm giving it a B- for being too predictable and long.

Killers of the Flower Moon: The Osage Murders and the Birth of the FBI by David Grann (non-fiction) - I read this for a book club and found it better than expected. Unfortunately slavery isn't the only example of mass greed, envy and wrath in American history. This is investigative journalism at its best and provides history of the Osage Indians, West South Central America in the early 20th century and how J. Edgar Hoover used discrimination against native Americans to bolster the need for a national police force. I really liked two of the three narrator; I recognized Will Patton's voice right away and his performance is outstanding. Random - this story is set in Pawhuska, OK, home to The Pioneer Woman.

Chasing the Scream by Johann Hari (non-fiction) - I cut this short because I found myself feeling defensive as I progressed. I got through chapter 10 of 20, a little over 6 hours of 14 total. This book is long on details and, unlike Killers of the Flower Moon, goes over the top to dramatize the victimization of drug users and chronicle dealers’ backgrounds. I really question how much of this is fact vs. positioning to advance the author's cause. It feels really biased. I agree with the author's assertion that compassion and support are more helpful to a drug addict than shame, victimization and imprisonment. I start feeling squeamish however when the author purports that decriminalization of drugs would go a long way to fix the problem, akin to the repeal of prohibition. The author provides dramatic tales of addicts (Billie Holiday is the first) as well as those who find purpose and create meaningful social bonds when drugs are legalized. Thwarting drug cartels and a broken criminal justice system sound really good. But that's only one part of the solution and likely the easiest. The hard part is improving environmental conditions/social circumstances, especially the mental health system. A superior understanding of and resources to treat the deep psychological pain that I believe is the root cause of the majority of all addiction (food, alcohol, drugs) is absolutely essential. Here's where I am biased - I have witnessed firsthand how a person's addiction to marijuana distorts reality and destroys relationships. It only numbs the real pain, it’s still there and the addict shares it with everyone in their path. What responsibility does the addict have in seeking help, addressing the root cause and maintaining healthy relationships? What about recidivism (relapse)? We have reliable tests and policies for when someone is too drunk to drive or act appropriately in public. Do we have reliable tests to know when someone is too high? How much marijuana is too much? Okay, I'm off my soapbox.

In my queue:

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro
Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult
The Alice Network by Kate Quinn
Broken Angels by Gemma Liviero
It Ends with Us by Colleen Hoover
The Good Daughter by Karin Slaughter
The Map of Heaven by Eben Alexander
All Clear by Connie Willis