February 17, 2010


Have you ever noticed that relationships go through "seasons"? Summer - the passion of new love or making up. The breeziness of fall where it's still warm with a slight chill in the air - something's gnawing at you but you know this too shall pass. The bitter cold of winter with cruel words, lonely aches and burning tears. The warmth of spring - hope springs eternal and you feel like anything is possible together. I'm not suggesting this is a sequential cycle - that you must have a winter or that each season lasts beyond a few moments or days at a time. I've just noticed in my own marriage there's a tide that ebbs and flows and sometimes these are more pronounced than others. We are very definitely in a long winter season at my home - literally and figuratively. I often feel like I am walking uphill alone with a freezing wind trying to push me down.

I have a sheet posted on my wall at work. I don't recall where I got this - I typed it up from some source and it hangs above my phone for me to ponder whenever I have a few moments.

Secrets to a Healthy Realtionship
author unknown

I can only change me
You alone are responsible for your own happiness
Smile - share your happiness with others
Communicate - be straightforward and direct, saying what you mean
Keep an open mind - trust other's have your best interests at heart
Listen - seek to understand another's point of view
Be thoughtful - reach a conclusion after considering choices
Be tactful - remember the way you say something can be more significant than what you say
Stress is a choice - choose your response
Don't blame - be personally accountable, asking "what can I do to make a difference?"
Don't hold grudges - don't let past negative experiences or disagreements interfere with the present ("kitchen sinking")
Forgive - don't punish for past actions

So in this winter season, I am mindful that changes are not always bad though they are changes nonetheless which can be discomforting. And I try to take the "high road" - with hubby and myself - using these secrets as my guide.

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